cancers 4 dummies.

Today I am gonna tell yall about the best sign in the entire Zodiac: mine. For those of you don't know my birthday [crickets], I am a Cancer. I feel sorry for people whose sign is like, Taurus, cause I mean... I don't even KNOW where a Taurus fits in the Zodiac. I don't think I have ever met anyone who was a Taurus. Do they even exist? What are their traits? Does anyone even care?



Cancers are notoriously moody. We can't help it! To quote Monsters, Inc.-- "We scare because we care." We are emotional as hell but rarely show it, we'd rather take our battitude elsewhere and ignore you. We are sulky and brooding by nature. Don't get frustrated! We are fiercely loyal, so we will never hurt you. Just be patient, cause we are totally worth it. Sound complicated? Duh. Most astrology websites don't even make sense when it comes to filling you in on zodiac signs. That's why you need an expert (me) to give you a hand.



Belle Delinquant's Guide to CANCERS!

You'll be navigating your way through our mood swings in no time! Any sailor knows that the sea can change instantly with a fierce storm or waves that can flip your boat right over. If you do all the prep work to prepare and don’t panic, you can survive the worst of storms. That's how the cookie crumbles with the Cancer Woman! Dead men tell no tales?



They say:
"Cancer is the home and family lover of the zodiac. Fundamentally home-loving by nature, Cancers appreciate the security of a nest in which to retire when the stresses of life become too much to bear."

Translation:
We are homebodies. Can we hang out at your house?



They say:
"Cancerians are very intuitive, almost to the point of being psychic. They are able to spot even the smallest change in another's behaviour, so it is hard to deceive them. They are very insightful and most have a photographic memory. The combination of these two skills plus their excellent observation skills makes them very aware of the ulterior motives of others."

Translation:
Don't you dare try to pull a fast one on us. We can read you like the backs of our hands! We can spot a fraud from a mile away. We may not show it, but we have our eye on you and we will call you out on your shenanigans if you get out of line.



They say:
"A Cancer woman will never make the first moves in a relationship; she only knows how to move backwards or sideways. This is because of two reasons, her shyness and her fear of being rejected."

Translation:
Have you ever seen a crab walk? Me neither, but according to Google they only move backwards and sideways. This is because we really hate rejection, so we will never be upfront about our feelings...ever. We approach the things we want in an indirect way. You have to be the one to figure it out.



They say:
"Many Cancers have an interest in the ancient past as well as their own pasts. They indulge in nostalgia, which makes them good historians. Paradoxically combining a love of travel with a deep need for security, Cancers surround themselves with sentimental objects from their past, including souvenirs, hand-me-downs and keepsakes. Cancerians are remarkably good at accumulating things."

Translation:
We are Hoarders. We attach sentimental value to everything and we will refuse to throw it out. We love stuff!




They say:
"This sensitive sign needs to retreat into its shell somewhere safe from the rest of the world. They are so much like a real crab – hard on the outside and super soft on the inside. You won’t know you’ve hurt them because you’ll think it’s bounced off their shell – it didn’t. They absorb everything and forget nothing, they just won’t tell you."

Translation:
Don't be an asshole, cause we are resentful like you wouldn't believe and we really will hold it against you... FOREVER.



They say:
"Cancers are romantic idealists. If you want fairy tales, you need a crab. Only a Cancer can make it happen for you! Most crabs give love freely without expecting much (of course, learning to handle their extreme sensitivity is the toughest task to overcome). The persistent flaw in their relationships is their inability to open up and their tendency to withdraw into themselves. As much as this sign loves to nurture, tend, and care for others, they hate to be vulnerable. They resist this with all their might until they just can’t resist any more. It’s the paradox of Cancer. Once they do fall for you, it’s over. Despite the fact they tend to push you away more than pull you in sometimes, their claws have dug in deep. They just can’t risk being vulnerable until they know they have a solid grip on you."

Translation:
We are total creeps. We love love. Nothing makes us happier than showering our mate with attention. We love to baby others but we have a tendency to overdo it. Woops. Regardless, we are hopeless romantics! Hearts for eyes, indeed. Just don't break our hearts, jerks.