Anybody who is anybody knows I love Mad Men. After plenty of eye rolls and "That show is so boring" comments, it seems like last season people suddenly had a change of heart and now they LOVE it. Typical! Can't say I'm surprised, though ;)
I love the storyline, I love the music, and of course I love the wardrobe. Everything about this show is great! It makes me want to drink, smoke, and have affairs... all before lunch time. You know, business as usual. Let's be real, though. I'm forever hanging out at the shallow end of the pool, so I'm gonna present yall with a list of my top 3 boyfriends on the show.
#3- Don Draper
The obvious choice! Everybody thinks he is hot, duh. He lived in San Pedro for a while, which is where I've wanted to live since I was a kid. His hair is always on point, he looks like he smells good, AND his entire ensemble is always put together. You know he doesn't discriminate when it comes to the ladies, either. What's not to love? It's like shooting fish in a barrel (whatever that means). Shoulda been me in Rome with him instead of sorry ass Betty, but I digress.
#2- Roger Sterling
I know he is old, but Roger seriously has it going on. It's no secret that I like guys with ugly ass attitudes, so we'd be a perfect match. We have tons of things in common! We both think Joan is hot, we don't give a shit about offending anyone, and we both live our lives "like [we're] on shore leave". He's the ultimate hedonist, too. He has zero regard for anybody and he doesn't even bother remembering people's names. He is so dismissive! He is hilarious, though. Plus he is rich. Truly a match made in heaven.
#1- Paul Kinsey
Paul Kinsey is my baby. If this were real life, I'd be dating Paul. Seriously. My best friend says I always go for "ugly" guys, but I prefer the term Unconventional Looking. Don is too high maintenance for me and I'd probably outlive Roger, so Paul wins this round. He is from Jersey, loves Sci-Fi, and spends most of his time BS-ing at work. I love his sweet baby face, Orson Welles beard and all. He is kind of a pretentious jerk via listening to jazz while wearing a mohair sweater and smoking out of a pipe. He's so pompous that he is PERFECT. I mean, hello? We are obviously soul mates. He is one of those Creative Types, as well. He stole a typewriter from work! I mean, I'm fine with breaking the law if it's in the name of the Arts. I have to say that he stole my heart when he did that Rod Serling impersonation, though. Sigh. Boys that love the Twilight Zone get infinity points from me. Now if only he would come back! Just my luck.
I would also like to add that Pete Campbell's trifling ass didn't make the list, but he would have if I'd based my list on the actor who plays him, Vince Kartheiser. He is so funny on the DVD commentary! I was literally "LOL", not an easy feat considering I am a grinch and avoid smiling/laughing as much as possible. This is due to my general apathy/disdain for others and because it causes wrinkles. Just kidding! Anyway, I'll leave you all with a word of advice. Whenever you find yourself hating your life, remember:
"When God closes a door, he opens a dress."
-Roger Sterling
I know it's only January, but before you know it, you'll realize it's already June and SUMMER HAS ARRIVED. People with no grasp on reality will flood your Facebook wall with posts about Hitting The Gym Hard and Watching What They Eat because Summer Is Here. The worst part? Light beer aplenty. I mean really. Luckily for you, we (me) here at BD are gonna tell you how to go about getting that beach body you've always dreamed of without having to sacrifice the nectar of the gods. Nutrition? Who needs it? When has eating ever helped anyone, anyway? Exactly.
It's pretty simple, actually. There is food in beer, so beer IS food. I know liquid diets are "unhealthy" and are usually frowned upon, but don't worry... that is just what jealous people say. Those poor unfortunate souls! In pain. In need. They are also the ones that spread vicious lies like "Beer makes you fat" and "Beauty is only skin deep". The only thing these people are spiking their Haterade with is Malibu Coconut Rum. Why are you friends, again?
Moving on... here are the guidelines. It's 2011, nobody cares about the OLD food guide pyramid. The future is here! It's not really a diet, it's a way of life. Want a six pack via a six pack? Thought so. Let's start from the bottom up or as I like to say... BOTTOMS UP! ;)
Belle Delinquant's Guide to the Modern Beer Belly
Bread, Grain, Cereal and Pasta (6-11 servings)
Pyramid Haywire Hefeweizen.
It's a typical American wheat beer, and I love it. It is simple, it is smooth, and it has pyramids on it which totally reminds me of Cleopatra. Once upon a time, I was @ the Pilsner Urquell beer museum in the Czech Republic and it was confirmed to me that weissbier (wheat beer for all you non germans) is liquid bread, so it's obviously true. The museum told me so.
Fruits and Vegetables (3-5 servings)
Dogfish Head Festina Peche.
Dogfish Head can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned. This is the absolute best peach beer ever brewed on Earth. Nothing like cracking open one of these bad boys to beat the heat. It is light and just a teeny bit tart, but it is delicious! Your copycat friends can drink all those shitty Bud Light Cheladas.
Beans, Eggs, Lean Meat and Fish (2-3 servings)
Flying Fish Exit 1 Bayshore Oyster Stout.
I am not a fan of marine life. If it swims, I don't eat it. Everyone knows this, these are just facts. Imagine my surprise when I was hanging out with a friend and he pulled these out of his fridge. I hate oysters! But I do love a good stout. I know my math isn't that great, but I'm pretty sure this meant I had a 50% chance of loving it. I did.
Dairy Products (2-3 servings)
Milk is so gross! I'm not even gonna bother with this one, so here is a cat drinking Guinness.
Fats and Sweets (use sparingly)
Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat.
Not really my style, but as someone with virtually no sweet tooth this is where I will group this. It tastes just like Fruity Pebbles, not even kidding! The pyramid says to use this group "sparingly" and I guess that means do it if you must but don't make it a habit. Kind of like wearing flats instead of heels.
No cheating! See ya'll at the Beach!
Happy New Year, ya'll. 2011 is here, aren't you excited? Me neither. While everyone else is busy gearing up to Better Themselves via New Year's Resolutions, I am really just stoked for January 6th. Instead of wasting my time while some asshole bogarts the elliptical at the gym, I'm gonna be lying on my giant bed with the memory foam mattress watching my favorite show on earth... Jersey Shore!
If you think I'm gonna make up some sort of excuse to justify my love for the Shore, you are totally wrong. I have NO SHAME. I even own this shit on DVD, bro. I am serious. Ya'll have no idea how great this show is. Upon further inspection of the situation (hehe), I realized the reason I am so drawn to this show is because I can totally relate. They totally get me. It's like Art is Imitating Life. It's making my head explode, for example:
My Nutrition (via it not existing)
My Difficult Name (via always have to repeat it)
My Love Life (via lack of communication)
Can't wait! If you wanna get drunk (I shore do), you can also feel free to have an MVP Approved JS Drinking Game. This isn't really for you lightweights, though. Ready for the rules, champ? Take a shot of Ron Ron Juice every time:
- there is a shot of Snooki in her slippers
- Sammi says "legit"
- the Sitch doesn't end up sealing the deal
- Pauly D says something adorable
- Ronnie does his Chris Farley laugh
- J Woww adjusts herself
- you confuse Vinny with his Mom
As a special bonus, CHUG whenever they are shown completing the GTL trifecta.
Bottoms up, Bitches!
