seaside rendez-brew.

I know it's only January, but before you know it, you'll realize it's already June and SUMMER HAS ARRIVED. People with no grasp on reality will flood your Facebook wall with posts about Hitting The Gym Hard and Watching What They Eat because Summer Is Here. The worst part? Light beer aplenty. I mean really. Luckily for you, we (me) here at BD are gonna tell you how to go about getting that beach body you've always dreamed of without having to sacrifice the nectar of the gods. Nutrition? Who needs it? When has eating ever helped anyone, anyway? Exactly.



It's pretty simple, actually. There is food in beer, so beer IS food. I know liquid diets are "unhealthy" and are usually frowned upon, but don't worry... that is just what jealous people say. Those poor unfortunate souls! In pain. In need. They are also the ones that spread vicious lies like "Beer makes you fat" and "Beauty is only skin deep". The only thing these people are spiking their Haterade with is Malibu Coconut Rum. Why are you friends, again?

Moving on... here are the guidelines. It's 2011, nobody cares about the OLD food guide pyramid. The future is here! It's not really a diet, it's a way of life. Want a six pack via a six pack? Thought so. Let's start from the bottom up or as I like to say... BOTTOMS UP! ;)

Belle Delinquant's Guide to the Modern Beer Belly



Bread, Grain, Cereal and Pasta (6-11 servings)

Pyramid Haywire Hefeweizen.

It's a typical American wheat beer, and I love it. It is simple, it is smooth, and it has pyramids on it which totally reminds me of Cleopatra. Once upon a time, I was @ the Pilsner Urquell beer museum in the Czech Republic and it was confirmed to me that weissbier (wheat beer for all you non germans) is liquid bread, so it's obviously true. The museum told me so.

Fruits and Vegetables (3-5 servings)

Dogfish Head Festina Peche.

Dogfish Head can do no wrong as far as I'm concerned. This is the absolute best peach beer ever brewed on Earth. Nothing like cracking open one of these bad boys to beat the heat. It is light and just a teeny bit tart, but it is delicious! Your copycat friends can drink all those shitty Bud Light Cheladas.

Beans, Eggs, Lean Meat and Fish (2-3 servings)

Flying Fish Exit 1 Bayshore Oyster Stout.

I am not a fan of marine life. If it swims, I don't eat it. Everyone knows this, these are just facts. Imagine my surprise when I was hanging out with a friend and he pulled these out of his fridge. I hate oysters! But I do love a good stout. I know my math isn't that great, but I'm pretty sure this meant I had a 50% chance of loving it. I did.

Dairy Products (2-3 servings)

Milk is so gross! I'm not even gonna bother with this one, so here is a cat drinking Guinness.



Fats and Sweets (use sparingly)

Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat.

Not really my style, but as someone with virtually no sweet tooth this is where I will group this. It tastes just like Fruity Pebbles, not even kidding! The pyramid says to use this group "sparingly" and I guess that means do it if you must but don't make it a habit. Kind of like wearing flats instead of heels.

No cheating! See ya'll at the Beach!