a nightmare on grape street.

Guys, I have to tell you all about one of the most exhausting and frightening weeks of my entire life TO DATE. I don't know how, and I don't know why... but last week I was missing out on catching crucial Z's via being caught in Insomnia's DEATHGRIP. It was a really trying time for me, as I enjoy the little things in life such as sleeping whenever I feel like it, laying in bed all day, and generally being the Mayor of Memory Foam Town.



It's no secret that life is always spitting on me, but this time it got me where it really hurt. Gone were the nights full of dreams that paled in comparison to my real life. Gone was the continued use of an obsolete alarm clock. Gone was any semblance of being a normal American girl. Sit back while I spin a terrifying tale about being the Only One Awake.



I have had sleeping problems for quite some time now, but it was usually only in the fall right around Daylight Savings Time. My sleeping woes were quickly solved when the time "fell back", so I never thought too much of it. I joked about it all the time and announced myself as the founder of the Never Sleep Club. Then things took a turn for the WORSE.

the scene of the crime

It started out innocently enough. I'd started staying up a little later than usual. An hour here, two hours there. I was fine with it, as that's what is expected of an Artist such as myself. I got to draw and write more. I was being productive! It kinda legitimized my hedonistic lifestyle. Like, of course I'm awake while everyone else is asleep. I'm an Artist, a non-conformist, a bon vivant. All I do is drink coffee, paint, and pay no mind to the constraints of TIME, maaaaan.



I loved it! My book was coming together, my walls were filling with new pieces, and my sketchbooks were filled to the gills. But my happiness was not to be. Suddenly, I stopped getting sleepy altogether. What was once a liberating experience quickly trapped me in it's disorienting web of despair!

i wanted to sleep *this* much

Before I knew it, the days were flying by and I was in a lucid state. Night and day became one and the same. I didn't know what was real anymore! I wondered if I'd ever sleep again. My usual breathtaking appearance was still breathtaking-- except this time I was making people scream in terror. Just like Kevin McAllister when he found his brother's girlfriend's picture--I was eliciting a very "Buzz, your girlfriend...woof!" reaction. I started to look like an overzealous extra in Michael Jackson's thriller video. Like, way to stay in character, you know?



I vowed that if I ever ran into Mr. Sandman, I'd punch him in the fucking face. Talk about slacking off on the job! I didn't know who to turn to, as it seemed like the entire planet was ASLEEP. I soon found myself pale and alone, surrounded by Nutri Grain wrappers, with only the harsh light emanating from television infomercials to keep me company. I was starting to feel left out. It was like that episode of the Simpsons where they start a No Homer's Club... and I was the world's Homer. I was at my wit's end!



Just as I was about to break down, salvation arrived. All of a sudden, I became super sleepy. Like, my sleepiness was trapped at the airport in Paris and had experienced some flight delays on it's way back to LAX, but it had finally made it home. It burst through my bedroom doors, threw it's LV luggage aside, and breathlessly explained everything. Now it seems like it is trying to overcompensate, so I find myself fighting sleep whenever it strikes at a bad time, ie in the middle of the afternoon when I'm picking up my new shoes at the mall. So there it is, guys. Easy as that. When I grew weary of looking, I was found. It was a wild ride, but I made it!


Sweet Dreams!