you can stand under my umbrella (but only if you hold it)

There is something amiss in Southern California! It has been raining for the past 2 days and I have had it! I'm supposed to be spending my days rollerblading down the boardwalk at the beach, blasting "California Girls" on my iPod, and overdosing on sunlight. Au contraire, mon frere! My mom started referring to my bedroom as "Dracula's Girlfriend's Room" via my new heavy curtains that make the Outside World (looking out of the window) a thing of the past. Imagine my horror when I checked the weather this morning (online):


h8 u

Someone is out to get me. That someone is Mother Nature (jealous). I'm part time goth, so while I enjoy gloomy weather in general, there is one thing I hate with a passion: RAIN!


the only "rain" i like

How can anybody really enjoy this stuff? It is seriously Clashing With My Lifestyle. I mean, a little rain now and then is okay, but when did I move to Seattle? I am so tired of the rain hating on me.



For the past two days I have had to give my flat iron a break and wear my hair CURLY.


my true self

I can't wear heels in the rain via slipping and losing teeth (not chic). The forecast says it will be raining for the next FOUR DAYS. I don't own rain-appropriate footwear cause it is ugly and it isn't supposed to rain here, ever. ugh I'm not a meteorologist. I am not a Doppler 7000. I am not Dallas Raines. Please don't force me to buy some of these:


fate worse than death

I have no business Braving The Weather. I don't want to do something mundane like hold an umbrella. The only thing I ever want to hold is my purse, my cell phone, or a drink. Where is Fonzworth Bentley when I really need him? I am in distress. 911, yall. Plz send help.



I can't party if I have ugly hair and have to wear closed-toe flat shoes and hold an umbrella. Nobody will recognize me. My life will be over. Why is life so unfair? I am this close to making a deal with God or the Devil (whichever listens to me first) to put an END to this.


we hardly knew ye