what's in a mane?

It has happened to all of us. One night, while a full moon is out and a heavy fog rolls down your street, you grow so bored you find yourself reaching for the scissors. "How bad can I mess my hair up?" you ask yourself. Idle hands are truly the devil's playground! Next thing you know, you look like a Cynthia doll.



UGH! You find yourself cursing those useless Scientists wasting their time on Dumb Stuff and not focusing on more Important Things like a time machine. If only you could go from Urkel to Stephan! Life is just so unfair. Stupid scissors. Well have no fear! You could always play crazy and just buzz it off like B.Spears running around beating on cars til your hair grows out. You could throw on a fabulously fake wig like my fave lush, Kim Zolciak, and walk around with a wineglass in your paws. If neither option works for you, you can be like me and just OWN it. I call it the I Don't Give a Fuck look. Some call this confidence, whatever. I like my term better. Maybe this comes from my days of being a DIY hooligan. Why spend money on a haircut when you could totally score a rad dress at the Salvation Army instead?

Sometimes I ended up with a great haircut. Blue birds would pick out my clothes for me! People would stop me in street! Babies would smile at me! But most of the time I'd end up with an atrocious 'do that was too short, too uneven, too awful. Throw in those bright colors and you'd take that mess to the next level! But I, always the Cool Guy, would just laugh it off. "It's just hair!" I'd exclaim, rolling my eyes. It worked! There was that time when the power went out while my hair was covered in bleach/aluminum foil and I finished by candlelight. There was that time when I decided I needed flamingo pink hair and went from black to pink overnight, bleaching my hair 5 times. There was that time I tried to play colorist and mixed blue and red dyes, thinking I'd get the perfect purple and ended up looking like a Troll doll with gray hair.

Every time this type of stuff happened I just shrugged it off by saying "It's just hair!" til I finally started to believe it. There are more important things to fret over. Cut your bangs too short? Wear a headband. Bad dye job? Wear a hat. Shitty haircut overall? Say it was a dare. It's not the end of the world. Own it! Now where are those scissors?