My birthday is in the summer, and although it is a very important global event it is STILL not enough to make me like it one bit. It is that serious. I hate the humidity, I hate the sun, and most importantly I hate that people forget how to dress during these crucial months. I'm not talking about leggings as pants at this point. The war against Leggings as Pants has worn me down! I am but a shell of my former self. No matter how much I try to save people's dignity they refuse to listen to someone as sensible as I. I have seen it time and time again, and to quote the forever stylish Little Richard-- "You could stick a fork in me and it would come out clean, cause I am SO done!" I am completely desensitized.
Personally, I refuse to acknowledge seasons as far as fashion is concerned. I wear only two colors year round: Black and Blacker. I wear whatever I want whenever I want, Mother Nature be damned. You can imagine how disastrous this topic must be if I absolutely have to bring it up. I am not talking about bright colors. I am not talking about bathing suits as tops. I am not even talking about people who wear short shorts even though their thighs look like deflated bubble wrap. I am talking about a greater offense-- SANDALS.
Seems like every goblin rises from the Underworld to parade their gargoyle feet all over my city. WHY?! The uglier someone's feet are, the more shameless they are. Sandals have been around forever, I mean even JESUS wore them, so why can't people get it together at this point? Hookers in Ancient Greece wore sandals that left an imprint saying "ΑΚΟΛΟΥΘΙ" aka FOLLOW ME. It was how they advertised their services, which is totally genius. The only thing modern day losers advertise while wearing sandals is their need for an immediate intervention via a podiatrist. The Greek philosopher Aristotle once said "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure what he meant by that was "Don't be dumb, put those sandals back!"
I wish I could empathize with those who have unfortunate feet. They wonder how it feels to dig their toes in the sand and feel the breeze on a scorching summer day. Alas, life isn't fair and I have really nice feet, so I can't relate. I'd post a picture, but I'm a modern woman who knows the value of beauty! With that said, if you have a foot fetish go ahead and send me money via paypal ;)To paraphrase John Waters-- "My eyes aren't garbage cans!", so keep those hammertoes to yourself.